Rules for Sex Talk

Talking about sexual conquests is not something I do. I mean, all I would have to do is go down the stairs to conquer the beast in my house. But, I know many people enjoy talking about all they have been doing, how great it was, and how much they want to do it again. And, as long as it is not too graphic, then have at it. But, what I don't agree with are people that discuss sexual inadequacies in their partners, below the belt abnormalities, or really anything related to sex that would embarrass the other person. I discussed this very matter with a friend that has no problem discussing every embarrassing detail (related to the other person) in regards to sex. I tried explaining why I disagree with her, but she did not get it or see a problem with discussing such things. I think I finally got through to her when I said that sex was an intimate thing between two people and those types of things should not be discussed. I mean, when someone has sex with you, there should be some sort of unspoken understanding that you are not going to discuss embarrassing details about the situation. I gave my friend a few rules regarding sexual behavior, so I thought I would pass them onto the rest of you.

1. If you have sex with a friend in your circle, you are only allowed to discuss details of your sex life with the express permission of the other person. Preferably, before the sex happens, you must discuss and document what can and cannot be discussed. This must be typed onto legal paper and signed by both parties.
2. If you have a one night stand with a friend in your circle, you are not to tell anyone else in the circle about this. If it was a one night stand, it means that one or both of you do not want it to happen again, are embarrassed that you even did it, and you can under no circumstances tell anyone else. If you do, there will be lots of awkardness within the group.
3. If you have sex with a friend in your circle, you may never have any discussions with other friends that involve length (inches, cm, mm, feet, meters, km) , length (seconds, minutes, or hours), performance, noises made, phrases said, and anything else that could be detrimental to the self esteem of the other person. Even if the other person does not know these things were discussed with other circle friends, you cannot do it.
4. If you have sex with someone that lives out of your town BUT has occasional contact with anyone in your circle (or with your family), or the potential to come in contact with your circle, see #'s 1-3.
5. If you have sex with someone that will never come in contact with your friends or family, you may talk about whatever you want (I will openly judge you if you do, though). Just know that by doing this in front of your friends/acquaintances, your liklihood of having sex with those that hear you saying these things about another person will greatly decrease. No one wants to be discussed in a negative light when it comes to sex. Those hearing you discuss these things will probably not want to have sex with you because they do not want to be the butt of your jokes.