Blog from 04/24/08: We need a change of pants.

April 24, 2008 - Thursday
We need a change of pants please Category: Life
So I got off work early today and I thought I would have a great rest of the day to spend with my family. My husband, son , and daughter stayed home because my daughter was running a fever. I got home about 1300 and my daughter sounded wheezy and snot was coming out of her ears. She just got tubes a week ago, so drainage is to be expected when they get stuffy. Well, she has been a lung nightmare for about the past 5 months, so I decided that I better take her in to the pediatrician to have that all checked out to make sure she did not have pnemonia or something. On our drive there, which is about 17 to 20 miles from my house, both kids fell asleep in the car. We get to the office and sit in the car for about 20 minutes before the appointment. Ray and I listened to some talk radio like all nerds do. Yes, I love talk radio. I know it is not cool, but I like it. My daughter woke up in time to go into her 315pm appointment and my son remained asleep. We checked in and proceeded to wait and wait and wait. After 30 minutes, I asked the front desk ladies to make sure I had been checked in appropriately and they said I had. Whatever. After another 10 minutes, I called Ray and told him that we were still waiting in there if he and my son wanted to come inside. Ray, in a rushed voice, stated that my son had peed in his pants while he was sleeping and they were getting him changed. I asked him if my son had any clothes in the car and Ray said there were some really tight pants in there, some underwear and one of my tshirts. I said just put him in that. I finally got taken to the back so I called Ray again to tell him where they took us. I could hear my son crying in the background and Ray said that the pants were tight in the waist so he was trying to talk my son into leaving them unbuttoned, but my son was not having it. They finally came in and my son's little muffin top was hanging over the top of the pants. They stayed about 2 minutes until my son wanted to leave. My daughter and I waited another 30 minutes in the little room. The appointment was not real exciting, so we will just move on to our trip to get something to eat. On our trip down Red River, I looked over at my husband and I said "oh my god, did you fart?" Of course, he denied it. We smelled the awful smell for a few blocks until we realized it was my daughter. She had pooped and it was squishing out the leg holes of her diaper into her car seat. And, in the middle of all this, my son starts whining "my penis itches and I cannot scratch it!" I told him to unbutton his pants and scratch it, but he could not get them undone and he continued to cry about his itchy penis. Ray said it was probably because, not only were his pants too tight, but so were his Thomas the Train underwear Ray had put on him. So, the car is filled with a disgusting rotten ham salad odor and my son is having penis problems. We get to the end of Red River and there is an IHOP. We pull in there and in true white trash fashion, we strip down both kids- change a diaper, put on new clothes, take too tight underwear off and put new tighty whiteys on. Since we were there, we decide to go on in and have nice family meal (yea right, the last time I ate at IHOP I was in college and drunk at the time). While we were in there, my daughter choked on a cracker and threw up all over my pants. It smelled like rotten cottage cheese and looked like it, too. From now on, every person in my family will have a complete change of clothes in the car because you never know when you will poop on yourself, when your penis is going to be itchy, or get thrown up upon.